I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
