On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
