she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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