accomplished twins. life is a go
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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