I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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