i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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