did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
