I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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