Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
