She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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