it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
