u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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