Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
