His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
