So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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