i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I would fuck him just for his dog
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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