Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
