What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
