I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ugly people sure do ruin things
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
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