It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
