The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
