Your face is a jimmy john
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
