drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
