Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
