Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
