when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
