I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't think brook has ever known best
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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