TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
