i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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