Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
