You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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