i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
