i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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