ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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