Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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