i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
