Sacagawea was the original milf.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
