I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we're making bets on your personal life
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
