I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
