How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
