Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
