Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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