You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
