Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
