I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
