I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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