I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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