they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
