The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
