i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You were trust falling into bushes
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
