You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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