"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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