i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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